SHE'S MADE OF HAIR AND BONES AND LITTLE TEETH

Cocky little Crys

this curse of an ego will be the death of me.

What rhymes with Sweety..

dear friend.

i dont know how im going to tell you this cause  i have a very shy manner when it comes to actually speaking my mind. im attentive to potential problems and im aware of peoples feelings and im considerate. i KNOW! im considerate if you choose to believe otherwise then go ahead. I just want you to feel better. i just cant help but think that youre in bed laying awake thinking about how badly things have gotten for you and your probably crying thinking and hoping youd drink yourself to suicide but youre always aware of all the people whod miss you and all the people who love. Its not there fault youre in your little situation. Why cant you just pull yourself together? i hate WHEN i feel like i cant pull myself together but i can. i do it every fucken time i crumble. i dont drink abunch of beers til i cry myself asleep i just cry myself to sleep i wake up and lay in bed and think SHIT IS REALLY FUCKEN CRAPPY! but in actuality it just FEELS CRAPPY. its all mental and shit gets better i make little goals for myself threw out the day and then by the night ive accomplished them and that makes me feel better. i made little lists threw out the week and i mark off all the things i do and ifeel better. if i do what your doing id stay down so much longer. You feel like youre eveything is crumbling cause youre letting it crumble. you feel like who care no one cares im just gonna lay in bed and cry and think "why did she leave me" well she left you because look at you! you cant do the simplest thing like staying sober. she loved you or at least she started to think she did and you loved her or at least you started to think you did and then she bounced before you could realized if you did or didnt and now your stuck thinking how GREAT it COULD of BEEN if you were still laying in bed with her instead of laying in bed alone with empty beer cans. Yeah okay Rejection sucks so much. it feels so ugly to be hopeful and disappointed. and then disappointed and confused and confused and hopeful all at the same time. you dont know who to talk to or who wont judge you when all you wanna say a million times is  WHY! why not me? why me? why NOT? whats wrong? was i wrong? you just want answers you just want a few more happy moments dont you. you just wanna a few more hugs and a few more kisses and a few more seconds to try and change her mind but your just stuck in rut that even if you had the chance youd would be so pessimistic and youd feel like she couldnt understand you anyway! Well. REALIZE this. you remember you called up your friend kyle and cried on the phone with him while i sat next to you and listen to you cry. i used to be in love when you a long time ago when we were both babies and seeing you cry was so sad i cried next to you very silent and quiet because youre heart was breaking and i just couldnt seem to cheer you up or get you out off your hole. its seriously painful YOURE SOO LUCKY! at least you have friends who come to your aid. youre loved by and youre cherished and you feel lower than bubble gum stuck on someones crusty old shoe. its gross to see you weak and frail and fragile and brittle and tender. its GROSS and im mostly disgusted by your actions but i still worry about your well being. its so nice to hear from you i picture you well and aware of yourself when we speak but then hear you voice crack and i realize whats really going on. whats youre really thinking what youre really doing and what youre really trying to tell me. I HEAR YOU! IM HERE FOR YOU but it sucks so much when im here for you but im over here for you . do you get it? do you understand what im mean im your friend forever and ever. i know you need someone i cant be there physically for you cause ive got my life where im at but you could reach me somehow someway you have always reached me when you needed. I on the other hand cant seem to reach for anyone. its just seriously uncomfortable to hear myself vent outloud but everytime i do i just feel THAT much better. YOU motherfucken LIBRA! You fucken bastard! a heart broken libra is a sad sad sight. i know its true and not just cause of you but i know to many libras and ive seen a lot of them heart broken. youre supposed to be the sign of balance arent you! Youre supposed to give a little take a little. BALANCE yourself before you really lose it. I hate listening to my friends tell me about how much they hate the situation theyre in and they feel helpless about who knows what and blah blah its not cause i dont like to listen to them its just cause i feel so much potential in my friends and they just see life as bleak and theyre problems dont even sound like problems they just sounds like little annoying situations its mostly "im lonely" situations or "im confused in my relationship" situations and gosh i love them all to death and i give them great advice but they keep on going backwards everyday im in a situation where i honestly feellike ive got no control i can make the situation a little better with my attitude but other than that its really not gonna get much better yes FRIEND! i get lonely but im not one of those people who need someone to keep me company id like some company when im bored but i can keep myself filled up and busy with other things simple things. Please PLEASE dont be like that! dont be one of those people who just need someone to fill theyre holes. dont be one of those people who just self loath dont be one of those people who keep replacing and replacing people. you need this time! YOU NEED YOUR TIME! You need to figure out you before you throw yourself head over heels into the next girl you meet. being alone isnt a bad thing. being rejected isnt a bad thing. being forgotten isnt a bad thing. You are my friend ive known you since we were just two knuckle heads ditching school. you have been happy and smiling before and you will be there again. you have been better than you are now and you will be there again. balance yourself out a little fix everything that needs to be fixed before you look for another person to tie yourself up too. whats worse is these are all the things i wanna tell you cause i honestly care about you a lot but i dont trust you enough and im afraid of being brushed off... listen to me ive got some sense in me and i want you to hear me... maybe if i get the courage ill send you this letter a little to late.

I guess its that time again.

  that time where i just cant stop rambling on and on about the solar power energy inside of me. its that time again where i jitter when i jive and i stutter before i strive. where i jump before i think when i leap before i peak. that time again, yes it is.  its the same time when i crumble when im crawling, i call it humble me when im bawling. 

Yes its that time again. im raving im ranting im babbling im dawdling im yelling im screaming im going on and on aimlessly and im wandering and wondering who is out there? who are you out there? are you a girl? 

man oh man ! im so sick and tired of hearing troubles from the same fucken source. Sometimes i feel like im "troubles" and i  come from that same source or my troubles come from that source . but i know its not true.  i know we all get high and we get low and i know that my friends are tired of hearing me and my  same old troubles  and i know were all older and we all go thru these things but its really annoying when my friends try to act like all i do is what i do and THEY do so much more. You guy go threw this same old shit just like me so please stop rolling youre eyes when im crying and please stop making jokes about my mistakes and plese stop being frienemies im not your enemy im not competing  im just trying to be progressive and be on the up side of life and none of my friends fell in love with someone at 16 yrs old got pregnant at 18yrs old  and had there family fall apart when they were 20 yrs old so quit looking at me all stuck up  but none of you are much better off than me. so FRIENDS PLEASE JUST BE MY FRIENDS  you know what i dont roll my eyes or press my lips when you wanna vent out your tears and your fears and your problems no matter what size    and you know what  im just gonna write all this out and not even confront the problem cause i just feel better venting it relieves the tension.

 you know who are and you know what you did. 

I am feeling out of step everyday now and everyday i feel a little lighter. its frustrating honestly i hate feeling out of step and out of control but i have to let my thread unravel. yeah im alright and ill keep being alright  

Thanks for forgetting

ah ha ah ha

Again.

haa

YOU

P 

 YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU  YOU I O U

That smile on your face makes it easy to trust you

 

i haven't changed a bit im still not over it